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About Literature / Hobbyist Core Member La petite mort27/Female/United States Recent Activity
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Frenzied Peace
I never thought that I would find it again
that poetic voice that used to
SCREAM inside my head,
whisper sweet nothings in my dreams.
I never thought I would feel anything again.
My heads a mess of feelings lately
good, bad
anything but apathetic.
I watched you as you slept, (creepy, I know.)
and watching you sleep,
     seeing you              
                                              not pretending to be anything,
                                              just being you,
looked li
:iconshirashima:Shirashima 1 0
My Tattoo Design. by Shirashima My Tattoo Design. :iconshirashima:Shirashima 1 0 I am Batman by Shirashima I am Batman :iconshirashima:Shirashima 0 0
Rushing through the map,
looking here and there,
searching for the enemy.
Footsteps behind,
turn and shoot,
an easy kill.
Back around,
a flutter of movement
catches his eye.
Bullets fly past his head.
He returns a grenade to them,
and receives another two kills.
No time to relax.
He nears the targets,
realizes the bomb is set.
Crouching for cover
he races to try
to defuse the bomb.
3 more seconds.
All he'd need as
a bullet catches his vest.
Too late now,
and he finishes defusing
right before he's shot in the head.
:iconshirashima:Shirashima 0 0
Screams of pain
ripped from the chests
of those too
frightened to breathe
Fire coursing through them,
their hands bound,
they struggle,
afraid to die.
A short reprieve.
They catch their breaths,
knowing it will
start again too soon.
Day after day,
hour after hour,
breaking their spirits,
crushing their souls
Until one day,
when the screams cease.
They can take the pain,
too broken to cry anymore.
:iconshirashima:Shirashima 0 1
Yearly Ritual
Meet me in the springtime,
as the world is fresh again.
We'll find out new things each day,
and grow so close it scares us.
Love me in the summer
as the sun shines through our kisses.
We'll stop caring about learning,
and let our passions take control.
See ME in the fall
as the leaves get caught in my hair.
We'll go to some place dear to me,
and wipe the leaves off of his grave.
Leave me in the winter
as the cold freezes my tears.
We'll fall apart so easily,
and you'll go back to your princess.
:iconshirashima:Shirashima 1 0
Butterfly destruction
Butterflies bursting through my stomach,
splashing acid through my insides,
burning so nicely.
Too soon it all ends
and the acid slowly eats away at me,
making every movement more painful than the last.
How I curse those butterflies after every time.
The holes they tear never heal
and I'm left with less of myself each time.
So many thoughts
all craving the most attention
One whisper echoing above the rest;
"Why bother?"
:iconshirashima:Shirashima 0 0
Season change
Clarity fades and colors blur.
Simple mistakes and ultimatums.
Life's too short,
and my glass isn't
nearly tall enough
to drink it all away.
When the devil knocks,
sometimes you want to answer
to spite the pain
that comes with morals.
Games and
trials and
reality hit with differing blows,
knocking you to the ground
to spit on you
and kick in your teeth.
Hard to be beautiful inside
when you just want to say screw the world.
:iconshirashima:Shirashima 0 0
Solitary Agony by Shirashima Solitary Agony :iconshirashima:Shirashima 0 0 Sparks Fly by Shirashima Sparks Fly :iconshirashima:Shirashima 2 0 Evening Blooms by Shirashima Evening Blooms :iconshirashima:Shirashima 2 0 Opal by Shirashima Opal :iconshirashima:Shirashima 4 0 H-eye there by Shirashima H-eye there :iconshirashima:Shirashima 0 0
Says Who?
I wake up, look at the clock.
I roll over,
cuddle closer to you.
don't leave, ok?
You smile, snuggle me closer.
wouldn't dream of it, baby doll
Such a wonderful moment,
but I know that this is still a dream,
and I know I don't want to wake up from it.
You stroke my hair
baby doll, i adore you
Such a simple sweetness,
a beautifully simple action,
and I cry at my luck.
you're too good to be true,
but i don't want to think about it.
i know you have to leave soon any way.

You kiss my forehead,
and my fears are gone.
says who?
:iconshirashima:Shirashima 2 2
Restless wishes
I'd give almost anything
to be in your arms tonight.
I hear your voice each night
and can't help but smile.
I talk to you all the time,
and worry I'll never see you.
I just know that I want to
touch you,
hug you,
cuddle you,
kiss you,
love you
and it terrifies me.
I haven't been so happy in a LONG time.
And I think that I deserve
some happiness,
because I've been
way too strong,
for much longer than
I should ever have needed to.
I can't wait to meet you,
because I feel that
the instant your hand touches mine,
the first time our lips lock,
the shivers down our spines
will feel more real than anything
I've felt in a while.
:iconshirashima:Shirashima 0 0
Everything ends horribly no matter what
My life is empty.
My husband doesn't love me,
left me today.
All of it because of my past
and the fact I don't
want to relive it.
My heart is breaking,
every nerve ending on fire
and I just want to scream.
I gave my everything to us.
He couldn't even compromise with me
didn't listen to me.
He was supposed to love me forever.
Instead, he gives up,
doesn't want to deal with me,
with my past.
My safe place is gone,
and I am so heartbroken
I feel like my hair hurts.
I just want to rip it out.
I have never felt pain this deep
no matter who it was who hurt me.
This break of trust, of love,
makes me feel like nothing is true anymore.
Not even my family hurt me this badly.
:iconshirashima:Shirashima 1 0



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La petite mort
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United States
"My world is burning down but I am not afraid to see the truth anymore, no. Well I am not afraid, I am not afraid to see the truth in you. I won't look back. I won't look back. I won't look back to see the truth in you. Well I am not afraid. Well I am not afraid to see the truth anymore. Well I am not afraid." ~BtlStr by BattleStar

Current Residence: Parma, Massillon, Sandusky, Cleveland
Favourite genre of music: I'll listen to anything once
Favourite photographer: Michael Skeggs
Personal Quote: C'est la vie.

10 people who've influenced my crazy journey

Journal Entry: Fri Nov 16, 2012, 11:06 PM

1. Jeremy Hasenbalg. My biggest mistake. He was the first person to show me that I am beautiful in a way that I could see too. He taught me about importance of passion in life, and showed me exactly who I was at that point in my life. I didn't like who I saw, and so I changed it. I almost ruined the start of his relationship with the woman he's loved for over a decade, and I am so glad that now, several years later, they have become engaged and are still happy and working on doing things they love. He taught me to keep doing what you love, and to be true to who you are, regardless of the situation in which you've found yourself.

2.Jessica Blakely. My sister. Junior year was not a good year for me. That was the closest I ever came to actually killing myself, and if it hadn't been for her, I wouldn't be here. Whether we are around each other as often as we would like or not, I know she will always be in my life.

3.Andrew Groot. My brother. If I had never met this kid, I would be nowhere near the person that I am today. He was my "first kiss" (of course, to anyone else it doesn't count but we find it amusing), and while there are times I want to beat him up for telling the same story verbatim to several different groups and for being smarter than I am, I am beyond proud of him, and glad to have him as family.

4.Ann Poggali. My junior year English teacher. She knew what was going on at home, understood why I wasn't doing well in her class, even though I was smart enough that I should have been ace-ing her class. She pushed me hard, didn't let me give up even when things were at their most bleak. She let me stay after school in her class so that I could do my school work, or so that I could talk. She showed me that there are always solutions to difficult problems, if you're determined enough to find them.

5.Richard Allen Bovee Jr. My dad. Every day, I question what I do, try to see if what I do would make him proud. I still don't always make the best choices, but I do try my hardest, and I think that makes all the difference.

6.Kathy DeHaan-Hunter. My mom. She was always there for a conversation or a laugh as I was growing up, and her kitchen was a safe place to discuss anything that was going on at home that I needed to talk about without worry it would get back to my mother. Now that I'm older, I don't visit nearly as often as I should, but I know that when I do, there will always be a spot around the kitchen island for me, and that if I have something going on that I can't figure out, she will try her best to give me advice, or if she can't do that, she will at least try to provide a laugh. She was one of the first people I went to tell that Brian left me. I was still crying, an emotional disaster, and she understood, hugged me tightly, cried with me and talked with me until I couldn't talk any more, and helped me to laugh a little, even though it hurt. If I had never met my Kathy mom, I would not be the well rounded, beautiful person that I am on the inside, and I probably would have been one of those people who have awful childhoods and that follows them throughout life so that they make bad decisions and end up selling drugs or worse. She has always been my spiritual rock, and while I don't share the exact same beliefs that she does, she has a big impact on how I view my spiritual relationship with life. There are not enough words in the world to describe the love I have for my mom, and how grateful I am to have her in my life.

7. Elaine Skeggs. Another mom/sister. She was the very first person I called when Brian left, still bawling my eyes out, unsure of where I was going and knowing that I needed to talk to someone or I was going to be sitting on the balcony curled in the fetal position screaming and pulling my hair out. She and Mike have been such a help in kicking me out of being a teen into actually trying to be an adult. They helped me get out of my grandmother's house, and when Brian left they let me come back so that I could get back on my feet. She is always there to talk when I need her, and she showed me that you can be assertive and important without always being loud. I'm not really very good at it, but I wouldn't know it was possible without her. She also helped me see how very important communication can be in a relationship of any sort, because a misunderstanding left to simmer eventually becomes a disaster. We managed to learn about ourselves and each other while I was living there, and eventually, I will be able to make it up to them.

8. James Reilly. He was the second person I called after Brian left, and even though he doesn't drive, he managed to find a way to get to me to make sure I wasn't alone. Even before that, he has always been there to help me out when my brain is too screwed up for me to see what is in front of me. He pushes me to think better, to be a better person, and to laugh at myself sometimes. He reminds me that I'm human, and that while yes, I make some stupid mistakes sometimes, I also have the ability to learn from those mistakes.

9. Kelsi Rose. She is one of the most loyal, hard-working, and caring people I know. If I had never met Kelsi, I would not be nearly as close to accepting peoples compliments as I am now, and I would not think of myself as a beautiful person, whether that means physically or personality wise. Because I know her, I push myself that extra bit harder when I just want to lay around feeling sorry for myself, I actually am attempting (albeit poorly) to at least walk the Metroparks once a week so that I can reach my goal weight, and when I get to spend time with my family of friends at home, I know that they spend time with me because they love me as much as I do them. (Okay, so that last one isn't entirely on Kelsi, but she has yelled at me when I feel like I'm not worth the effort enough that she is a major contributor to it).

10. Brian Bell. Ex-husband. If you didn't see it coming you should have. He is the only person who has ever made me consider marriage as a viable thing even, and actually managed to take it a step farther and got me to marry him. A lot of the changing that I have done in the past 3 years have been due to his influence in my life, so I do owe a lot to him. He swept me off of my feet, made me believe in love again. He reminded me that life sometimes is all about fun and games, but that sometimes you need to do the things you don't want to do. He showed me how to smile again, even though he couldn't find me when I was drowning in doubt and pity. He taught me that I am worthy of being loved, but that the person to love me has to be just as strong as I am, and that I need to be much better at being an adult before I try to be in a stable relationship.

  • Listening to: Dirty Work by Halestorm
  • Eating: Chicken
  • Drinking: Cherry Coke, though whiskey is better

Journal History



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gpsc Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2013  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Happy Birthday Spamela :D
FairieShadows Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2013
Happy Birthday
KnightOfSparda Featured By Owner May 27, 2012  Professional Interface Designer
Welcome to :iconexpressionoftheheart:
:iconnewlaplz: ENJOY YOUR STAY!!!
YuraDEDZ Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
you are awesome
Shirashima Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I <3 you girlie!
BlissfulDelirium Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2011
thank you so much for the fav! :DD
Shirashima Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Not a problem. I'm trying to make a cosplay of Amy Pond for Halloween, and a Roman Rory for my husband, and finding your cosplay of the Tardis was a nice surprise.
BlissfulDelirium Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2011
oh sweet! :))
I wish you luckkk!
Schizophrenematic Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2011   Writer
Thank you for the favourite. I'm glad you enjoyed reading that piece. :)
Shirashima Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
It was very moving. Thank you for writing it.
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